Some days are good . . . and some weeks are bad. Last week was one of the bad ones. I had all of these big plans after my radio spot. Haha, it went to my head. I was going to start the writing workshop on how to write a book in 90 days and also was going to attend my first Toastmasters meeting to check out how (not) awesome I am at public speaking. The universe had other plans.
Over the weekend, J was sneezing and snotty, and I could tell that Monday was not going to go as planned. He ended up staying home sick for two days with a fever, cough and a bunch of snot. I was also not feeling great, some mild leg pain and just overall blah, but I attributed it to not leaving the house and overall doing nothing. Wednesday rolls around and he heads off to school, and I pretty much stayed in bed for the next 3 days because my legs f*#king hurt. The high point of this was binge watching The Crown. Such a fabulous show, and I am really going to miss the current cast when they switch it out for the next season.
The rest of the time I was in an Epsom salt bath. Which is a challenge at best. The hot water helps to relax the muscles and alleviate the pain, but if it is too hot, it send me into hot flash hell. If it is too cold, I can’t stay in it very long so I end up draining some and adding more warm water so I don’t freeze. Half the time, I also doze off in the bath because I don’t sleep well at night and the pain is lessened so I can relax. Getting out of the bath is also less than fun. If Nate is not home to literally pull me up to standing, I have to turn over on all fours and use my legs to push up because my arms are just not strong enough to propel myself up.
But the pain in my legs and my left arm was intense. It is hard to describe, it feels like my bones are being squeezed and it radiates out through the muscles. Advil, Aleve and Tylenol are pretty useless. Flexeril? Nope. And as much as it might be fun to be high all of the time, I can’t function as a parent if I am walking around on Dilaudid. So I stayed in bed and felt sorry for myself. I missed my volunteering at J’s school and Breast Friends last week and was pretty down. I do not want to let this take over my life, but pain is hard to combat. The cancer won’t define me, but it sure as hell has changed my life and slowed me down.
As I drove home from my big outing to Target last week, I passed the local marijuana dispensary and decided that I was going to see what else I can try for the pain. That afternoon, we went on a field trip. It’s legal in Oregon now, I just needed to get over the stigma of “OMG, it’s POT!” I made the husband go with me for moral support. The girl helping us was very knowledgeable, and I settled on a CBD roll-on, CBD internal oil and bath salts which were a THC/CBD combo, but she said which would just relax me since it was soaking into my skin, it would not cross the blood/brain barrier. Sounded good to me. As we were checking out, the cashier said the bath salts were his favorite and to watch out and have someone watch over me so I don’t fall asleep because they would totally get me high! 🤣 Uhm, I think they should get the sales pitch straight, but I bought it anyway. I tried the roll-on that night on my shins and did not notice much, but I may not have used enough or it could not get past all of the hair on my legs. It IS winter and shaving is optional. I also tried a drop of the internal oil about an hour later and I think it finally helped me fall asleep, so I’ll deem that a success.
And for the past 5 days, the pain has disappeared. I mean, there is always some pain and joint stiffness and general uncomfortableness around the breasts and my left shoulder, but the bad pain was gone. I have no idea why, but I am not going to complain! And next time, I will just go take a bath and get high. Or not.