One day at a time

I just wanted to say a very special thank you to all of our friends and family who have made/provided food to our family over the past month. It has been a life saver. We are so so very thankful.

On another note, I had fill #2 today. 100 cc of saline on each side. Last week was just 50 cc and the aftermath was painful. When I walked into the room today and saw 4 syringes instead of 2, I became very nervous. Thankfully the actual fill process itself is rather anti-climactic. I only feel pressure and a slight pinch on the right side. However once I stood up, wow, what a difference in feeling overall. I did not take anything for pain other than an Aleve, but I did take a Valium once we left the office to relax the muscles. I have not taken a true pain med in a week and hoping to keep it that way. If I am lying still, I feel ok. If I move, I feel like I have concrete baseballs on my chest which are pushing internally when I breathe and externally trying to get out. Basically OUCH. Poor J does not understand why I need to lie down all the time and can’t sit on the floor and play Legos. That is one of the hardest parts currently. I can’t snuggle with my son or my husband. It sucks. And I still have to sleep flat on my back. For a side sleeper who flip flops all night, this is torture. There are actually so many daily life things that I can’t do around the house which really bother me and my OCD, but I am trying to let go and appreciate the time I have to heal.

We then went to a special store in the hospital which supplies all kinds of bras, tanks, prosthesis, etc. I was really looking for some kind of tankini to wear to the pool that I could put pads in to smooth out my current scars (we leave for Miami on Sunday for a conference for Nate’s work, and it just happened to coincide with spring break so Hunter and Jackson are also going). I don’t need a prosthesis since I don’t care how big I am at the moment or special bra as my boobs aren’t big enough to need support. And they are hard and don’t move. Thank god, this will change when my fills are complete and the expanders are exchanged for silicone implants with a more natural feeling. As for this trip to Miami, there is a kids club where J can go play, and I plan on sitting under an umbrella and doing a lot of nothing. It also means I get a week off from my fills, so I am excited about that. Taking a week off from cancer! Yay! 👍🏻☀️😎

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