Tomorrows

I had my 3 week post permanent implant exchange appointment today with my plastic surgeon. She said that I am healing great and everything looks good. I am still swollen so the shape will change more and soften up a bit over time. While my new, much softer implants are a HUGE improvement, It is still weird. I have breasts, but no nipples and scars that show that something major has gone on. I am just not connected to them yet, and I am not sure if I ever will be, but it is what it is at this point and hopefully by 2018, this process will be over or close to it. I can get my nipples tattooed on in 3-4 months, depending on how I am healing. I go back in one month to evaluate that.
I am still suffering from a lot of joint and muscle pain from the daily medication. If I sit for a while, I often cannot get up and need help. Kneeling down to do laundry even for a short period of time is also a challenge and my hips and knees ache when I get up. Tonight, J and I were out playing frisbee at a cub scout event and he sad that I should jump to catch it if it goes over my head. I sure wish this body could jump. I have an appointment with my oncologist next week and will discuss the meds and side effects with him. I know there are other medications that I can take, so a change may be in order.

I went back to the gym yesterday for the first time this year to actually move my body instead of sitting by the pool. I walked for about 35 minutes on the treadmill at a really slow pace and then I got super dizzy and had to stop. 1.25 miles. WooHoo! Better than nothing. My calves were sore this morning. I am SO out of shape, but also have no energy to get into shape yet. I went back today and rode the recumbent bike for 45 minutes for 6 miles. My knees are aching tonight like I ran a marathon. This sucks, but I am going to keep at it until I can build up some endurance and then start to get back on the elliptical and do some weight training. My oncologist wants me doing weights that help work on bone strength because the meds are hard on the bones. Good times all around.
Also, i was curious and just checked my insurance totals for the year. For the 3 surgeries, doctors, etc., my insurance was billed $281,373 and paid out $90,781 and we have paid $5,000 out of pocket. What the hell? Thank god we have good insurance is all I that I can say.
This year has really sucked, but I know it will get better. It is often hard to remember that when my knees ache and my body hurts and my new boobs are so foreign to me, but I am here and that is all that truly matters. I am living every day, the good ones and the bad ones with my supportive husband, kids, family and friends. I am lucky enough to feel the joint pain and pay my out of pocket costs and yell at all of the kids in my house. Because I am here to experience all of the good things too. A friend recently reminded me that we all need to live and love harder because you never now what tomorrow will bring or even if you will have a tomorrow. F You cancer. I am getting my tomorrows!

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